Cizojazyčné vtipy

Otevřená diskuze | Kategorie: Humor
Braddock (2018-05-11 18:31:47)xkox (2018-05-11 13:51:47)Sten (2018-05-08 01:16:31)Bouda05 (2018-05-03 16:07:13)Zidane (2018-05-03 16:03:34)katerina.1789 (2018-05-03 06:36:51)Jindra60 (2018-05-03 06:01:46)Key.Maker (2018-03-10 15:09:35)radiac (2018-02-17 15:42:55)Neutrix (2018-01-25 21:43:52)Divobyj (2018-01-22 20:17:30)kusurija (2017-09-25 19:57:51)Jirikovo (2017-07-25 21:43:24)Alice.Belickova (2016-05-21 23:05:53)
Založeno: 26. 4. 2016 | Příspěvků: 262 | Členů: 14
Správci: Zidane (hlavní)

Máte vtip v jiném jazyku než je čeština nebo slovenština a nevíte, jak ho přeložit, nechce se vám nebo vtip přeložit nejde, aniž byste ho zabili? Zde je to pravé místo, kam s ním.

Překlady z méně obvyklých jazyků než je angličtina (ruština, finština, pandžábské dialekty atd.) vítány, ale nevyžadovány. Uvažte sami, nakolik očekáváte, že bude vtipu v originále porozuměno a buďte připraveni vyhovět ev. žádosti o překlad.

Držte se slušného vychování nebo se s Viktorem Čističem potážete či rovnou dostanete ban. Zda a jak budete potrestáni závisí na úvaze vedení klubu.

Sesterská fóra na české vtipy zde:
https://www.diskutnici.cz/forum/104-vtipy-forky-kamenaky-cerny-humor/
https://www.diskutnici.cz/forum/2052-vtipne-vtipy/
https://www.diskutnici.cz/forum/2059-cerny-humor/

Nemůžete přispívat - nejste přihlášen!


  • Jindra60
    Jindra60, 3.5.18 06:01:46  
     

    http://1url.cz/Htxot

  • Sten
    Sten, 22.4.18 11:09:17  
     

    https://i.redd.it/857s5zevqkvy.jpg

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 17.4.18 17:49:53  
     

    Americka zaba stoji znudene v antikvariatu u pultu, prohrabuje se knizkama, kazdou knizku vzdycky nejdriv omrkne a pak odlozi s hlaskou: "Rread it, rread it!"

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 9.4.18 12:58:18  
     

    - v tancích se celkem vyznám.
    - to ráda slyším, preferujete slowfox nebo waltz?
    - Panzerkampfwagen VIII Maus

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 29.3.18 02:58:00  
     

    My wife is in hospital after being beaten up for using the 'N' word.

    Next time I ask for a beer from the fridge, she had better use the 'Y' word.

    • Jindra60
      Jindra60, 29.3.18 21:46:47  
       

      :14: :14: :14:

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 27.3.18 04:45:51  
     

    "Clark, where is the table?"
    "Here, Lois. We just put our drinks on it."
    "Oh yes. I didn't recognise it with glasses on."

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 27.3.18 04:45:12  
     

    So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less.

    The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 23.3.18 02:25:19  
     

    A man's life is like a penis - simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Women make it hard.

    • Jindra60
      Jindra60, 28.3.18 13:38:09  
       

      :1: :1: :1: It´s life :7:

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 23.3.18 01:48:25  
     

    Gay jokes aren't funny. Come on guys!

    • Sten
      Sten, 23.3.18 01:51:04  
       

      Menstruation jokes aren't funny. Period.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 23.3.18 01:15:59  
     

    A takto, milé děti, vzniká duha:

    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/4457340_700b_v2.jpg

    • Sten
      Sten, 23.3.18 01:43:35  
       

      Tak proto při duze prší :2:

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 23.3.18 01:11:10  
     

    How do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 23.2.18 00:17:55  
     

    Her: I used to be Christian.
    Him: It’s all right, I don’t really care for those sorts of things.
    Her; Thank god! It’s so much better now that I’m Christine!

    • Jindra60
      Jindra60, 8.3.18 20:32:39  
       

      Až teď mi to došlo :6:

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 13.2.18 00:41:45  
     

    Why was Kurt Cobain depressed at 13?
    Midlife Crisis.

    • Jindra60
      Jindra60, 21.2.18 12:04:24  
       

      :14: :14: :14: to je do černého

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 8.2.18 01:39:42  
     

    During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
    He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
    I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied,
    "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 1.2.18 01:03:08  
     

    Why did the slave go to college?
    To pick up his master's degree.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 30.1.18 17:02:26  
     

    My mum has had the same washing machine since my little brother Callum died 27 years ago... I guess washing machines do live longer with Cal gone.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 15.1.18 05:00:28  
     

    "Grandpa, why is there no Wi-Fi in the church?"
    "Because the priests are jealous of an invisible force that actually works, my child."

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 30.12.17 02:01:15  
     

    http://www.lowbird.com/data/images/2012/07/apcdn-79057.png

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 28.12.17 19:23:55  
     

    Create your joke cover names by switching the first letters of your given name and your family name.
    Cole Hunt: Not cool, bro.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 28.12.17 02:18:03  
     

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/87/1d/60/871d60dc447607e46b4692d7e4514a16.jpg

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 24.12.17 20:44:18  
     

    https://scontent-vie1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/25507805_1787058171313524_1044621184573407574_n.jpg?oh=07ffff21ee91e15a58564e68aac9b4d4&oe=5AC3FD76

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 10.12.17 19:37:36  
     

    Why are camels know as ships of the desert? Because thay are full of Arabian seamen.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 4.12.17 10:04:58  
     

    No surprise Harry and Meghan are star matched .. anagram of Nigger is Ginger.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 4.12.17 09:32:07  
     

    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aoZP3px_700b.jpg

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 2.12.17 04:50:07  
     

    http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/comics/2014-05-19-Gases.png

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 28.11.17 17:53:42  
     

    What do you get, when you drop a piano on an army base?
    A flat major.

    What's better than having roses on your piano?
    Having tulips on your organ.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 13.11.17 21:27:15  
     

    Theorem: A cat has nine tails.
    Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 12.11.17 21:19:09  
     

    [Date somewhere in the Deep South]

    Him: "So where did you go to college?"
    Her: "Yale."
    Him: "SO WHERE DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE?!!?"

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 23.10.17 03:03:11  
     

    https://i.imgur.com/XLZQgWP.jpg

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 23.10.17 02:56:21  
     

    Three men with speech impediments are in therapy. The therapist is blonde, petite and pretty. She says, "If you can tell me where you live, without stuttering, I'll give you a blow job!"
    First one stammers, "BBBirmingham."
    The next one, "MMManchchester"
    The third one, a paddy, stands up, composes himself, and says, "London."
    She gets his cock out, and gives him the best blowjob he has ever had. As he cums he sighs, "...ddderry!"

    • Jindra60
      Jindra60, 31.10.17 22:16:36  
       

      :14: :14: :14: :14:
      nemá chybu

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 26.9.17 01:44:53  
     

    https://asset-1.soupcdn.com/asset/13815/9152_11cf_600.jpeg

    Všichni jste idioti!
    Konečně jeden, který se nebojí říci pravdu!

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 20.9.17 16:12:45  
     

    I dunno what this WiFi dude did…
    But I’ve seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom lately...

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 20.9.17 15:56:13  
     

    Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 14.9.17 01:36:31  
     

    Our father died, because we didn't know his blood type.
    As he died, he kept telling us to be positive. But it is very hard without you, daddy...

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 5.9.17 00:04:26  
     

    My mum walked in my room & said "You'll go blind if you do that"

    I was so embarrassed, I dropped my binoculars & missed the eclipse.

  • Jindra60
    Jindra60, 28.8.17 11:41:51  
     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoqORos_1WA

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 14.8.17 04:27:10  
     

    http://asset-8.soupcdn.com/asset/13948/1799_83c4.jpeg

    • Jindra60
      Jindra60, 15.8.17 08:48:54  
       

      Zřejmě přijímací pohovor.
      - máte 15 minut zpoždění (naštvaný výraz)
      - to není moje chyba (s úsměvem)
      - jste přijat (vesele)
      - STÁVKUJI! (rozhovor se odehrával v místnosti Deutsche Bahn)

      Z mého pohledu mi to nepřipadá ani veselé, natož jako vtip. Někdo napoví?

      • Sten
        Sten, 15.8.17 09:06:54  
         

        Zpoždění a časté stávky jsou tradované atributy Deutsche Bahn

        • Zidane
          Zidane, 15.8.17 15:57:16  
           

          Tak. Kámoš žijící v Německu říkal, že přísloví "být přesný jak dráha" tam má ironický nádech :1:

  • Zidane
    Zidane, 14.8.17 03:52:15  
     

    I was lying in bed this morning. Told the wife I still love her.

    • Jindra60
      Jindra60, 15.8.17 08:39:02  
       

      :14: :14: