Správci: Zidane (hlavní)
Máte vtip v jiném jazyku než je čeština nebo slovenština a nevíte, jak ho přeložit, nechce se vám nebo vtip přeložit nejde, aniž byste ho zabili? Zde je to pravé místo, kam s ním.
Překlady z méně obvyklých jazyků než je angličtina (ruština, finština, pandžábské dialekty atd.) vítány, ale nevyžadovány. Uvažte sami, nakolik očekáváte, že bude vtipu v originále porozuměno a buďte připraveni vyhovět ev. žádosti o překlad.
Držte se slušného vychování nebo se s Viktorem Čističem potážete či rovnou dostanete ban. Zda a jak budete potrestáni závisí na úvaze vedení klubu.
Sesterská fóra na české vtipy zde:
Nemůžete přispívat - nejste přihlášen!
- Zidane, 2.8.18 09:18:04
My mate just asked me what ringtone I have . I said I haven't really looked. But I'll guess at light brown.
- Zidane, 2.8.18 09:16:17
"Have you not got a girlfriend?"
"Do you think you will ever get a girlfriend?"
"No dad, not at all."
"Are you gay?"
"No dad, and will you please go away with your lesbian fantasies?"
- Zidane, 30.7.18 17:32:35
Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.
The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
- Zidane, 28.7.18 11:53:49
I introduced my new black girlfriend to my slightly deaf grandfather.
"She's Annika", I said.
"Yeah, I can see that", he replied.
- medved.cislo.9, 27.7.18 16:09:33
BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of you men who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine!
Wayne, was driving home from one of his business trips in Northern Queensland when he saw an elderly Aboriginal man walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Aboriginal man if he would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the old man got into the car.Resuming the journey, the old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Wayne.
'What's in the bag?' asked the old man.
Wayne, looked down at the brown bag and said, ...'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.'
The Aboriginal man was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:
- Zidane, 18.7.18 19:05:54
Are those slaves?
No. Prisoners with jobs.
- Zidane, 18.7.18 19:01:42
19 and 20 had a fight.
- Zidane, 4.7.18 11:18:20
Kommt ein Mann vom Arzt zurück.
Fragt ihn seine Frau: "Na, was hat der Doktor gesagt?"
"Nein, ich meinte, was hast du?"
"Nur 20,- Euro!"
"Zum Kuckuck nochmal, was fehlt dir?"
- Zidane, 4.7.18 11:16:37
A jeden pro místní němčináře:
- Zidane, 4.7.18 11:15:40
I don't understand why everyone thinks the KKK are racist. Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.
- Zidane, 4.7.18 11:15:26
England does not have a kidney bank... but hey! It has a Liverpool!
- Zidane, 4.7.18 11:14:13
"You fancy my sister, don't you?" asked my wife.
"If given the choice..." I replied, "I'd rather have sex with you then her."
"You mean 'than'."
- Zidane, 4.7.18 11:12:31
A gay robs a bank and on his way out a policeman sees him and shouts, "Freeze punk!"
The gay stops suddenly in his tracks, turns around and says, "Free?"
- Zidane, 3.7.18 05:53:13
"He used me for sex"
No, you used sex to get something else out of him and it didn't work.
- Jindra60, 3.7.18 06:28:35
:1: :1: kde na to chodíš?
- Zidane, 23.6.18 13:25:01
What is the difference between white and black fairytale? White fairytale begins:"Once upon the time...". and black begins: "Yo wont beleev this sh*t mothafucka!"
- Jindra60, 25.6.18 20:07:38
:14: :14: :14: :1: :1: :1:
- medved.cislo.9, 27.7.18 16:13:14
Ony Evropské hodnoty přesídlily do USA??? :7:
- Zidane, 17.6.18 04:22:52
Can you kill someone by throwing a penny off of the Empire State Building?
Yes, if there is a Jew on the roof with you.
- Zidane, 15.6.18 16:59:10
- Sten, 15.6.18 18:38:14
It's funny because it's quite true. Alan Turing didn't speak German.
- Zidane, 10.6.18 23:42:07
“I love you loads, honey pie.” My wife said earlier.
“And I love you tonnes.” I replied.
“What, no nickname for me?” She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear the fat cow’s going deaf.
- Zidane, 10.6.18 23:35:04
A captain was inspecting his ship when he found a woman hiding in a lifeboat. She pleaded with him not to arrest her because a sailor had sneaked her aboard.
"I met him at Southampton docks," she says. "I was feeling depressed and about to throw myself into the sea, but he offered to take me to Australia. He said that it would be a long voyage and there would be lots of stops, but as long as I stayed out of sight he would bring me food. In return, I've been giving him sex. So he's just been screwing me."
"He certainly has," said the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight ferry."
- Zidane, 17.4.18 17:49:53
Americka zaba stoji znudene v antikvariatu u pultu, prohrabuje se knizkama, kazdou knizku vzdycky nejdriv omrkne a pak odlozi s hlaskou: "Rread it, rread it!"
- Zidane, 9.4.18 12:58:18
- v tancích se celkem vyznám.
- to ráda slyším, preferujete slowfox nebo waltz?
- Panzerkampfwagen VIII Maus
- Zidane, 29.3.18 02:58:00
My wife is in hospital after being beaten up for using the 'N' word.
Next time I ask for a beer from the fridge, she had better use the 'Y' word.
- Jindra60, 29.3.18 21:46:47
:14: :14: :14:
- Zidane, 27.3.18 04:45:51
"Clark, where is the table?"
"Here, Lois. We just put our drinks on it."
"Oh yes. I didn't recognise it with glasses on."
- Zidane, 27.3.18 04:45:12
So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less.
The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."
- Jindra60, 28.3.18 13:36:52
- Zidane, 23.3.18 02:25:19
A man's life is like a penis - simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Women make it hard.
- Jindra60, 28.3.18 13:38:09
:1: :1: :1: It´s life :7:
- Zidane, 23.3.18 01:48:25
Gay jokes aren't funny. Come on guys!
- Sten, 23.3.18 01:51:04
Menstruation jokes aren't funny. Period.
- Zidane, 23.3.18 01:15:59
A takto, milé děti, vzniká duha:
- Sten, 23.3.18 01:43:35
Tak proto při duze prší :2:
- Zidane, 23.3.18 01:11:10
How do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh.
- Zidane, 23.2.18 00:17:55
Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It’s all right, I don’t really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It’s so much better now that I’m Christine!
- Jindra60, 8.3.18 20:32:39
Až teď mi to došlo :6:
- Zidane, 13.2.18 00:41:45
Why was Kurt Cobain depressed at 13?
- Jindra60, 21.2.18 12:04:24
:14: :14: :14: to je do černého
- Zidane, 8.2.18 01:39:42
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied,
"Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
- Zidane, 1.2.18 01:03:08
Why did the slave go to college?
To pick up his master's degree.